crappyjazz

it's time

2007-03-23T18:42:00.000-04:00

but Clinton did it too

2007-03-16T07:10:00.000-04:00

and here is where the right-wingers get it wrong .... again.

the "it" they refer to is the firings of the us attorneys in the latest shit to hit the white house fan. but there is more to "it" then that.

yes clinton did the usual incoming presidential purge of replacing us attorneys ... almost every new president does. the difference is he allowed them to stay on past their four-year term when he was reelected for his second year term. in 25 years, only 5 us attorneys have been fired in the middle of a president's term and only for malfeasance

the important question is, considering that firing us attorneys is the president's right, WHY DID THEY LIE ABOUT HOW/WHY THEY DID IT? people lie for a reason and i believe the reasons are coming to light

the other very unique difference for the bush administration is that one of the many "passes" they get from the patriot act is that they no longer have to have us attorneys confirmed by congress ... every other president including Clinton had to, but oh no, not bush

take a couple of hours and do some googling, find out what these 8 fired us attorneys were working on when they got fired ... you will be able to figure out the reasons behind the lies to congress ... pull the string and watch it all unravel

breaking marble

2007-01-04T22:37:00.000-05:00

sing it with me

2006-11-08T14:18:00.000-05:00

NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY HEY, GOOOOD BYE

it's your right

2006-11-07T15:04:00.000-05:00

To report voter problems:1-866 OUR VOTE, (1-866-687-8683)

"leader" of the "free world"

2006-09-16T10:47:00.000-04:00

Bush said the Geneva Convention's ban was "very vague" and required clarification. "What does that mean, 'outrages upon human dignity?' That's a statement that is wide open to interpretation."

On another anti-terror matter, with Osama bin Laden still at large five years after the 9/11 attacks, Bush said he could not send thousands of troops into Pakistan to search without an invitation from the government. "Pakistan's a sovereign nation," Bush said.

He will not meet with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad next week while both are at the United Nations. The U.S. won't sit down with Iranians until they suspend nuclear enrichment, he said.

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/feeds/ap/2006/09/15/ap3021182.html

I am stunned each and every day that this man is still in office.

what else will they get away with?

2006-06-03T07:12:00.000-04:00

does a democracy exist if it's people can't vote? did you know that it's not a federal constitutional right in america for individual citizens to have a vote for president?

if you are an american and if you read anything today, please make it this article in Rolling Stone magazine by Robert Kennedy Jr.:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/10432334/was_the_2004_election_stolen

big brother took care of it ... all is well (repeat after me)

2006-05-17T23:00:00.000-04:00

so, the telcos are denying they turned over your phone records ... phew! silly usa today, got their facts wrong...

oh look! the president issued a memorandum on may 5 2006:

Memorandum of May 5, 2006
Assignment of Function Relating to
Granting of Authority for Issuance of Certain Directives
Memorandum for the Director of National Intelligence

By virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, including section 301 of title 3, United States Code, I hereby assign to you the function of the President under section 13(b)(3)(A) of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934, as amended (15 U.S.C. 78m(b)(3)(A)).

In performing such function, you should consult the heads of departments and agencies, as appropriate. You are authorized and directed to publish this memorandum in the Federal Register.

(Presidential Sig.)B
THE WHITE HOUSE, Washington, May 5, 2006.

um okay, so what? right? well wait, what exactly does the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 as amended (15 U.S.C. 78m(b)(3)(A) refer to? this:

(3) (A) With respect to matters concerning the national security of the United States, no duty or liability under paragraph (2) of this subsection shall be imposed upon any person acting in cooperation with the head of any Federal department or agency responsible for such matters if such act in cooperation with such head of a department or agency was done upon the specific, written directive of the head of such department or agency pursuant to Presidential authority to issue such directives. Each directive issued under this paragraph shall set forth the specific facts and circumstances with respect to which the provisions of this paragraph are to be invoked. Each such directive shall, unless renewed in writing, expire one year after the date of issuance.

oh ... well isn't that convenient? so basically, negreponte has the power to tell the telcos "it's okay folks, lie away, deny away, no one can hold you responsible or liable because this phone record thing was for the interest of national security" ... wow ...

here's links to the above in case you want read more:

http://a257.g.akamaitech.net/7/257/2422/01jan20061800/edocket.access.gpo.gov/2006/06-4538.htm

http://www4.law.cornell.edu/uscode/html/uscode15/usc_sec_15_00000078---m000-.html

1984

2006-05-11T22:45:00.000-04:00

picture from www.democraticunderground.com and created by "kitp"

Welcome HU ....man rights abuser

2006-04-24T22:07:00.000-04:00

dear mr president

2006-04-11T08:33:00.001-04:00

buy a copy of pink's new cd ... write a note to laura bush and ask her to listen to dear mr president

address to send the cd and note to:

The White House
Attn: Laura Bush
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC
20500

the feel-age

2005-12-18T08:22:00.000-05:00

before typing this line, i had to stop and think about what my actual age is ... i even had to do math in my head to be sure

i've always been more than just a suscriber to the adage that "you are as young as you feel" because i truly believe that if we have to measure age at all, that's how it should be measured ... you could be a different age every day, depending on how you felt ... okay, so i do realize that this could mess up many bureaucratic processes in society, but still

"hi, i'm feeling 68 today, i'll need a pension cheque this week"
"damn, i feel 20 so i'll have to say 'no' to the vodka tonic"

this feel-age thing could change during the day too which would make things even more complicated i'm sure

i went out last night to christy's christmas party with her friends at work who are mostly all in their 20s and who seemed to have boundless energy ... i felt my chronological age last night and then some ... i left at 10:30 because i was too tired ... and i had had a nap that afternoon anticipating that we'd be out late (a nap for pete's sake, how old does that sound?) and i still got pooped at 10:30 ... i left christy and took a cab home ... she finally rolled in at 3:00 a.m. dancing and singing in the kitchen, crawling into bed with me and giggling and telling me stories of what i missed after i left ... i think i fell back asleep while she was still talking

it's 8:30 in the morning, i'm watching cnn gear up to tell us who time's person of the year is ... i don't even care who it is and i don't understand why it matters and why cnn is spending a whole hour on it (okay it would be cool if bono got it, i'll admit that) ... what i care about more is how frickin' fast 2005 went by ... i mean it's incredible how fast it just flew by ... i care because my grandfather always would say that as he got older time went by faster and faster ... he said it went by so fast that he was sure that when he headed down to florida every fall, he passed himself coming back in the spring ... that kind of fast

the fact that this year sped by so fast makes me feel older ... and also makes me realize that even after my efforts this weekend, i'm still way behind on my christmas shopping and i do not have the energy to try to catch up today ... i just want to drink coffee, watch football later and then go to bed early

i'm 41

it's not you .... it's me

2005-10-07T13:35:00.000-04:00

tell me how you do it ... where do you find the time to blog?

i just have not had the time lately at all ... our department is facing accreditation in two weeks ... i've worked like a mad woman (martha stewart stand back) for weeks now ... christy and i do all the household errand, shopping, cleaning, laundry stuff in-between our work schedules ... when that all stops, we're usually too tired to sit up ... with all this, i don't know how to squeeze in the time to read everyone's blog, make comments and post on my own blog

i miss everyone here, i miss reading up on your daily lives, insights, etc., i have no idea how everyone is but i wanted you all to know, we're still alive, i'll get back to this blog thing soon and wishing you all health and happiness

back to work and i have to pee

i almost can't believe this

2005-09-12T10:46:00.000-04:00

http://www.repentamerica.com/pr_hurricanekatrina.html

luke and alex

2005-08-21T09:16:00.000-04:00

i'm taking a little break from the "series" today to show off my nephew and niece ... just got a new picture from my brother in an email ... i think they're the cutest and i just had to share!

i haven't actually met alex yet (alex is short for alexandra, she's on the right) but i'm going to visit them in a couple of weeks and i can't wait

luke is a doll, all smiles and giggles all the time ... talks to me on the phone about lions and firetrucks, his two favorite things right now

i can't wait to squeeze them and bite their cheeks!

clinton, 9/11, bush, iraq - part 3

2005-08-20T00:04:00.000-04:00

clinton

there is a comedy show in canada ... well, we're funny up here, so there are several comedy shows actually ... but one had a skit the other night with three women having coffee and asking each other questions in the "if you had to choose a or b" vein ... several questions, several hilarious answers

then one question and answer summed up everything i could possibly try to explain about the u.s media and the whole clinton-lewinsky thing and why a lot of us canadians were scratching our heads up here during all the hoopla:

"if you had to sleep with the president of the united states or the prime minister of canada, which would you choose?"

long pause, then finally, "the prime minister of canada" ... cue silly girl shrieks and "ewwwwwwwwwws"

"why the prime minister of canada?"

"because if anyone found out, no one would care"

9/11

i was off work that day ... friend from manhattan called, "turn on cnn, a plane hit the world trade center" ... didn't have the nerve to admit to my american friend that of all the places he had shown me on my last trip to nyc that i wasn't sure what or where the world trade center was but promptly turned on the tv ... it was 9:01 a.m.

we both watched ... me in my living room, safe in canada, him from his balcony of his apartment building in manhatten ... i heard him softly mutter "shit" just before they started saying on cnn that another plane was coming

i thought it was the end of the world

a day later, a psychiatrist that worked at the hospital in toronto that i worked at came to my office ... we did lunch sometimes ... "come with me" she said and she was crying and didn't speak another word ... i followed her

we walked to the u.s. consulate ... crowds of us, canadians ... holding u.s. flags, laying flowers at the door ... sobbing ... hugging each other ... looking up at skyscrapers, not being able to imagine ... someone started singing "america, america, god sheds his light on thee" ... then we were all singing it ... or trying to, lots of us didn't know all the words ... but we hummed the hell out of it and cried some more

bush

he came to canada and made a joke in his speech, thanking the canadians who waved at him .... with all five fingers ... it was funny to me

he's been flipping the bird to his own people and the rest of the world for years ... not funny to me

iraq

on august 2, 1990, saddam hussein's forces invaded kuwait ... george h.w. bush said to king hussein of jordan "i will not allow this little dictator to control 25 percent of the civilized world's oil"

'nuff said

stay tuned for part 4 - the stuff about us that i'm ashamed of

why i love america - part 2

2005-08-16T05:57:00.000-04:00

i've always loved america, always ... everytime we visited a new town or city, i was in awe ... the entire nation has to me what i can only describe as a "hollywood" quality ... if you're american, that probably sounds strange to you ... but growing up in canada, watching tv, most of which is american, seeing movies, mostly produced in the states, seeing cities in backdrops or hearing them mentioned and then actually visiting those cities one day ... wow, hollywood

i remember the first time i visited nyc ... i could not believe how fricken' huge it was ... i had been living in toronto for a while and i thought that was a big city ... i went all over the place in nyc ... museums, restaurants, stores, central park, times square... it really was awe inspiring to me and i wanted to live there ... i went into tiffany's with a bagel in my purse ... took a bite out of it quickly while inside the store, just so i could say i had breakfast at tiffany's ... hollywood

chicago ... the pizza, the house of blues, oprah ... hollywood

new orleans ... mardi gras, bourbon street, pearl necklaces (ha ha) ... hollywood

miami ... beaches, pink and blue buildings, sunshine ... hollywood

bar harbour ... boats, lobster, cottages ... hollywood

i spent a few months in central america ... after hurricane mitch ... hollywood america even got me down there ... the day we were supposed to fly out of honduras, we were informed that all roads to the airport were barricaded and all flights grounded ... why? bill clinton was dropping in to survey the devastation and promise some funding to help out ... wow, bill clinton ... we had to get to the airport though, and in an adventure ride in the back of a pick-up, the story of which could probably be elaborated on in another blog, we raced through a road block anyway ... the guys brandishing machine guns yelled at us and pointed, but our driver was fast and the military down there rarely has vehicles in which to chase you so we got away ... great security eh? we made it to a burger king a little ways down the road from the airport ... people were standing on either side of the road ... the word was, bill's visit was coming to a close and his motorcade was heading back to the airport ... if we waited, we might see him ... my friend applied lipstick ... we waited ... finally, the dark green SUV's started rolling by ... we tried hard to see through the darkened windows ... and then, there he was ... his window was rolled down ... daring bastard ... and he was waving at everyone ... he passed us, about 6 feet in front of us ... we cheered ... i'm not sure why, we just did ... hollywood

america is glitz and glamour to me ... but it is also the beautiful heartlands in between ... the poorest of neighbourhoods with almost every house proudly displaying an american flag ... it is breathtakingly beautiful in spots, people are outspoken and proud ... freedom of speech ... superpower ... the land of hope and dreams ... hollywood

i've never actually been to hollywood, but i know it would be too much for me, america is enough

stay tuned for part 3 - clinton, 9/11, bush, iraq

a canucks view of america - part 1

2005-08-13T08:29:00.000-04:00

this is the disclaimer part of my post: this post is merely my opinion and reflection on the united states of america ... my opinions in no way represent those of every canadian ... my opinions are not meant to harm or hurt, they are just based on my experiences and observations which are mine alone

i'm not a lawyer so i have no idea if that is enough to cover me

as a canadian, i'm always interested in what others think of my country ... i'm usually amused because either the observation is so way off as to be hilarious, or is so accurate as to be embarrassing

growing up, our family took trips to "the states" as my parents referred to it all the time ... i grew up in a border town so a trip to the states was sometimes just a drive across a bridge ... many times it was trips to florida to visit my grandparents ... trips to ohio to ride the roller coasters at cedar point ... anyway, people that we would meet seemed interested to know that we were from canada ... they were interested i guess, because they had a cousin/uncle/aunt/friend who also lived in canada and so therefore, we should be able to pass on their hellos when we got back ... we'd get that a lot ... "oh you're from canada? do you know jerry milton? my cousin? he lives up there too" ... all ... the .... time, we got these kind of questions all ... the ... time ... if you are an american, and you have a relative or friend living up here, and you're wondering if i know them ... please refer to the map (i live where the purple dot is) ... canada is slighty bigger in land mass than the u.s. ... yes, our population is about 1/10 of what yours is ... but that is still 30 million people ... and although i was quite the social butterfly for many years, i still have not met them all

we were camping in upstate new york one summer and we had met a nice family at the beach one day ... after talking for about 2 minutes they said "and you're all from canada right?" ... we weren't sure how they knew ... we weren't drinking beer or eating moose on the beach that day and we never said "excuse me" or "sorry" if anyone accidently kicked sand in our face ... so what had given us away ... well, they heard us saying "eh" ... it was funny to us and something i've always been acutely aware of ever since ... we never even realized that we said it and yet we did often enough to be identifiable as canadians ... i still catch myself saying it from time to time, and christy, my transplanted american wife says it once in a while too, then catches herself and changes it to "huh"

we could never understand why we got strange looks at mcdonald's when we asked for vinegar for our fries ... never understood why people seemed quite sure that we lived in a frozen tundra 365 days of the year ... is it because our temperatures are reported in celcius? so when the temperature is 34 up here and it's 92 down there, are you picturing us in snowshoes and furlined parkas ... in july? we make fun of your beer ... we used to have a popular commercial up here "if i wanted water, i'd order water" ... we laugh when your sports commentators refer to our game as "ice hockey"

i read a survey that one of our national magazines did of americans and their views of canadians ... you know what the number one response was? the first thing that came to most american minds? canadians are funny ... i could be insulted by that, but i'm not ... because, well, we are ... we're more than that of course, much more ... but funny is good

stay tuned for part 2 - why i love america

plop plop squish squish

2005-08-11T08:00:00.000-04:00

today's the day ... i hope they are careful ... if they squish it off by mistake, christy says she'll still love me

wish me luck

being noticed for all the wrong reasons ... or clue no. 382

2005-08-08T21:59:00.000-04:00

picture this ... disney world (or is it land? the one in florida anyway) ... me with a friend doing the rides, eating the food, acting like kids again

long lines for everything, including washrooms ... really really really long lines ... i told my friend that i had to find one quick ... we stood in line at one washroom and i just knew i was not going to hold out, no way ... "let's go find another one, maybe the line won't be as long" my friend suggested ... i weighed this idea ... would i be able to walk far with my legs crossed? we started walking ... after finding another washroom with an even longer line ... desperation appeared as beads of sweat on my forehead ... i seriously began panicing ... i thought of running purposely into someone with a drink in their hand hoping their drink would spill on my crotch and hide what i knew was going to be an impending leakage problem

my friend, seeing my panic, pointed to a grassy area with a few bushes ... "just sneak behind a bush and go" ... normally, peeing outside while there are toilets anywhere in the vicinity (not to mention people) would be completely out of the question but desparate times call for ... well you know

i was going to think this idea over, but my bladder started thinking for me ... i headed for the grassy area ... the bushes looked so small and i was sure they would not hide me, even in a squatting position ... no time to change my mind though as my bladder dragged me behind the biggest bush ... wearing a tight fitting pair of jeans didn't help the situation much as i had to pull them down fairly far to perform this acrobatic feat ... in this position and with a small puddle forming beneath me, i realized my friend had proposed a good idea ... the bushes were hiding me and behind me was more grassy area and no one standing around so i was safe

then it happened ... it was such a soft sound that at first it blended in with other sounds that i felt sure were coming from ahead of me where my friend was standing guard and people were walking by ... then the sound got louder ... chooooooooooooo chooooooooooo ... it was then i realized the sound was not only behind me, but rather close to me ... then i heard sounds of laughter and hooting and "oh my goodness" and "look over there!" ... more laughter ... this all happened in seconds mind you ... no time to act ... no time to pull up those stupid levis ... i didn't want to, but i had to look behind me ... i had to look where my bare ass was facing ... chooooooooooooooo choooooooooooooo ... magic kingdom train ... full of people and kids ... i don't know how i didn't notice the train tracks about 50 feet from where i was now strugging with all the might of mighty mouse to pull up those damn levis ... in my haste to get up ... i fell in my little puddle ... i crawled out of the bushes while still buttoning those f*****g levis ... my friend stood there with her mouth open because she saw the train disappear behind some other bushes and we could both still hear the passengers laughing ...

for days afterward anytime we used a public washroom, i could hear my friend in the next stall softly chanting "chooooooooo chooooooooooo"

burnt the levis when i got back to canada

have a good evening, i'm peter jennings, thanks and good night

2005-08-08T06:54:00.000-04:00

"too young, too inexperienced, too canadian" they said ... he got older, he gained more experience, he became a u.s. citizen in 2003 ... he still held on to his canadian citizenship though, dual citizen ... he was reported to have said that his canadian passport got him out of a few "tight spots" in the middle east

one of our many canadian "exports" to the u.s.media ... here's some others:

arthur kent (yep the scud stud is canadian)
robert macneil - the macneil/lehrer newshour
keith morrison - nbc dateline
morley safer - tick tick tick tick tick tick - 60 minutes
thalia assuras - abc, world news now (in canada she had spikey hair, wore funky glasses and pronounced her first name without the "h"
john roberts, cbs news, weekend anchor (in canada he called himself j.d. and was a vj on the canadian equivalent of mtv)
nadine berger - cbs news
peter kent - journalist
kevin newman - abc news, good morning america sunday
linden soles, cnn

good night peter

how i know i'll never be famous

2005-08-06T22:51:00.000-04:00

for some reason growing up, i was always sure i was going to be famous one day ... there have been many clues in the 41 years that i have lived that tell me this probably won't happen ... and that i'm a perpetual onlooker or member of an audience ... (the most glaring clue being that you have never heard of me) ... i will describe clue #452 here

i was walking down the street in uptown toronto one night with a friend of mine ... we had just come from seeing some movie ... i forget the exact year, but it was when the oj trial was on

in toronto, there is an independent tv station called "city tv" with news and other shows ... they have people running and driving all over the city with tv cameras and often do on the spot interviews of people on the street ... just to get opinions of the general public on whatever is happening in the news

my friend and i were stopped this night by a guy holding a "city tv" camera ... "would you two like to express your opinions on the oj trial?" they asked ... "sure" we replied, excited to think our faces might be broadcast on tv ... we knew there would be enough time to grab the subway and get home and see ourselves on the news that night and of course, i had opinions that i felt should be heard ... no ... that HAD to be heard ... my friend went first ... i don't remember a word she said ... i was too busy running through in my mind what i was about to proclaim to the world ... okay well to toronto anyway ... i remember that my thoughts on oj were deep ... something about how we as the general public view celebrities and so on ... it was good, i remember that ... i knew they would be astounded by my insight ... this girl just walking down the street, how had she not been nabbed by some major network before? surely, once they heard my commentary they would offer me a job as a news anchor on the spot ... i rehearsed in my head what to say and how best to say it ... i also quickly applied some lipstick ... my friend who had gone first, had not had that luxury ...

i heard them say "thanks, great comment" to my friend ... a few people had gathered to watch and listen by this time ... my audience i thought to myself ... they stood there waiting for something special, knowing they wouldn't be disappointed (or maybe they were waiting for a bus) ... now it was my turn ... i wasn't sure what my friend had said, but i was sure i would be more eloquent ... i was sure that i would get a standing ovation after my oratory (okay it was on the street, people were already standing) ... the camera turned to me and i was asked the question "what are your thoughts on the oj trial?" ... this was it, my moment in the spotlight ... literally ... the red light on the bottom of the camera blinked ... a huge white light glared into my eyes ... and out of my mouth came .... nothing ... absolutely nothing .... i think the expression "deer caught in the headlights look" was coined that very night ... blank stare ... total freeze-up ... my friend nudged me and i said in the meekest and quietest voice anyone has ever heard me use ... "um ... i think he's guilty, i mean unless he's proven innocent" ... sounds of crickets chirping ... people walked away ... the light went off ... the guy holding the camera moved it to one side to look at me with this "is that it?" expression on his face ... "errr okay" ... and they walked away

my friend laughed all the way into the subway station and all the way home ... she was on the news that night ... i wasn't

cinq

2005-08-05T07:23:00.000-04:00

10 years ago: didn't know i was gay yet ... i was dating some guy, but i honestly can't remember who ... i was always dating "some guy" and most of them are a blur now ... i lived in toronto ... had a great job ... great apartment in cabbage town ... i worked in a children's hospital and volunteered as a dancing bear after hours ... visiting little sick kids in a very hot and heavy bear costume ... it was so hot inside it ... they installed a small fan in the head part and only allowed me to wear it for 15 minutes at a time ...

5 years ago: still didn't know i was gay (i'm a slow learner, what can i say?) ... i had visited central america the year before to volunteer to build houses after the devastation of hurricane mitch ... it changed my outlook on life and when i came back, i gradually purged people from my life that i realized were not important to me nor i to them, just important to each others' social life ... i also began losing my religion ... i started smoking regularly ... i got over my performing shyness and played guitar for a bit in dumpy bars in toronto in my brother's various thrown together bands ... the last serious boyfriend i was to ever have and who battled depression and with whom i had already broken up, called me on the phone one night crying ... i knew this was the time he meant it ... he was a 2 day drive away from where i lived and there was nothing i could do ... i learned the next day that he had hung himself that night and that i was probably the last person to talk to him ... i know now that he is finally at peace

yesterday: i went to work in a bad mood ... came home early ... made up with christy ... can't give anymore details about that *blush* ...

today: well not much has happened yet today ... it's only 7:15 ... buckums is licking himself and waiting for me to take him for his run ... i've read some blogs ... i need more coffee ... it is friday and that is always a good thing

tomorrow: we plan a day at the beach if it doesn't rain ... the beach here in kingston is not really a beach but a park by the lake where you can climb out on rocks and dive in ... there is a nice beach with actual sand about an hour away but the car thing, you know ... anyway, this park we go to has little bbq's so we can grill ... lots of people to watch on jetskis and sailboats, etc. ... i love being by the water

5 snacks i enjoy: (only 5?)
1. potato chips - any flavour
2. fries and gravy - it's a canadian thing
3. ice cream - mostly chocolate and it has to be haagen daz or however you spell it, i'm an ice cream snob
4. nacho chips with salsa, cheese sauce and sour cream
5. liverwurst and crackers - i know, makes christy leave the room when i eat that stuff

5 bands that i know the lyrics of most of their songs:
1. beatles
2. u2
3. sara mclachlan
4. eagles
5. simon and garfunkel

5 things i would do with $100,000,000:
1. buy my mom a house
2. buy ourselves a house with a yard for buckums and a real deck for us
3. start a charity for funding aids clinics in africa (a resident in the program i work for went there for a month and worked in a clinic and is trying to start a charity up, the clinic lost some funding and some of the kids she treated won't be continuing on their medication because of it and will die)
4. get the car fixed ... oh whatever, buy two new cars for christy and i
5. adopt a bunch of kids

5 bad habits i have:
1. smoking
2. talking way too much
3. not wiping buckums feet off before i bring him in from his walk, thus tracking dirt through the house and irritating the hell out of christy when he jumps up onto the bad
4. playing violent video games - at 41 i feel guilty about this for some reason, but then i get into the game and i'm all "got you sucka" and i forget i'm 41
5. more often than not, not finishing what i start

5 things i like doing:
1. reading
2. playing guitar and singing
3. watching christy do whatever she's doing when she doesn't realize i'm watching her (i think i'm stalking my own wife!)
4. sitting by water when i'm stressed ... somehow it calms me
5. good conversation

5 things i would never wear:
1. thong
2. knee high socks
3. satin anything
4. socks with sandles
5. neon-coloured anything

5 tv shows i like:
1. queer as folk
2. csi - the original one and the ny one ... i can't stand that oranged haired guy in the miami one
3. judging amy
4. six feet under
5. "reality" tv - pick any, we probably are watching them

5 movies i like: (i'll have to do the virginia woolf stream of consciousness thing and quickly type the first 5 that come to mind ...)
1. the matrix
2. lord of the rings
3. central station
4. princess bride
5. moulin rouge

5 famous people i'd like to meet:
1. nelson mandela - just to ask him about what it's like to have that kind of patience
2. nicole kidman - no particular reason, i just think she's gorgeous and maybe if we went for ice cream or something we could chat about what a loser tom is and that she deserves better and we'd sit somewhere and i, her new lesbian friend, would help her scout for a nice new guy
3. molly shannon - i'd love to just sit with her in a mall or park all day and watch her imitate people passing by ... i'd probably have to wear depends though
4. larry mullen jr. - drummer for u2 ... i think most if they picked someone from u2 would probably want to meet bono ... i'd like to meet larry, he started the band and i think if i could get him alone, he'd be able to speak more without bono interupting all the time
5. rosie o'donnell - i don't always agree with her, but i've admired her for a long time ... especially for giving most of it up to raise her kids ... she has always made me laugh

5 biggest joys at the moment:
1. christy
2. it's friday
3. yesterday was payday
4. christy
5. we made up

5 last books i read:
1. the fourth hand - john irving
2. the truth about drug companies, how they deceive us and what to do about it - marcia angell (everyone who has ever taken a pill should read this book)
3. sense and sensibility - jane austen (i read this every once in a while)
4. the case of the not-so-nice nurse - mabel maney (the first in a series of nancy clue mysteries; if you read nancy drew mysteries growing up, these books are written in that style but all the characters are gay - hilarious)
5. the family: the real story of the bush dynasty - kitty kelley (yes, i know, kitty kelley, but it's still a good read and i'm not finished it yet but i listed it anyway)

5 people to tag:

i realize this can cause these tag waves to come to a full stop, but i think every blogger i know has already been tagged ... however, if you haven't been tagged and you want to be just holler

i plead the fifth

2005-08-04T09:18:00.000-04:00

i was tagged to do the 5 thing ... i think i will one day but i can't today ... having a really really really bad day and it's only 9:15 a.m. ... i started it and i had to laugh at myself because under "5 bad habits" one thing i listed was "not being able to finish what i've started" ... i'll do it one day i will

i'm sad about sarah too and i didn't even know her ...

i made a fool of myself on rosie's blog ...

christy and i fought last night and it's carrying over today ...

i let myself get upset over the stupidest things, i really do ...

voice mail

2005-08-03T11:11:00.000-04:00

christy left this message on my voice mail at work this morning ... she sung the entire thing:

dear ms. _________ your application for a licence to teach in ontario has been accepted ... la la la la la la la di di di di di do do do do do do do ... oh my god i'm so happy darling ... i'm so happy ... we are pleased to confirm that your qualifications meet our requirements for membership in the ontario college of teachers for a licence to teach in ontarioooooooooooooooooooo ... oh my god i'm so freaking happy cheryl i just can't believe it ... oh my freaking god i cannot believe it baby ... i love you soooooo much ... there is no stopping us now hon ... i love you i love you i love you ... talk to you later

sometimes, voice mail is the best

aunt brenda

2005-08-02T07:39:00.000-04:00

although i have not gone into my coming out story (i will another day) suffice it to say for this entry, that my family, except for my brother and sister-in-law have nothing to do with me ... their loss

christy's family on the other hand, has embraced me as one of their own ... yep, this family from the backwoods of arkansas love me like one of their own daughters ... my parents are "religious" ... i say "religious" with the quotations in a dr. evil voice because my parents are selectively "religious" ... like drinking yourself into oblivion every night and ignoring your children for 20 years is not a problem ... a woman loving a woman is a problem ... my mother has met christy once, my father has never met her ... i can't remember the last time i talked to him or saw him ... my mother doesn't call me in case "she" answers

christy told her family after her divorce that she was gay ... they told her they loved her and it didn't matter ... the first time i met her family, we drove up to their house, her momma came running out the door and ran to me and hugged me so hard ... "awww we're so proud to meet you" ... they say "proud" like canadians would say "happy" or "pleased" ... i like proud better ... her father proceeded to take me around the house, show me his gun collection and show me christy's first gun (it's arkansas, remember?) ... he doesn't talk much, but he handed me a beer and laughed at my jokes and i figured he liked me too ... christy's momma calls all the time, and when i answer we chat and i call her "momma"

now, while christy's family loves me, it's difficult for them to acknowledge their daughter's gayness to other extended family members or friends ... they live in a very, very, very small town ... so on our last visit, i was to be introduced as "christy's friend" ... i'm cool with that and understanding ... we learn after we arrive that christy's mom has finally acknowledged to her sister that "christy's friend" is more than just her friend ... aunt brenda isn't dumb ... much to christy's momma's surprise, aunt brenda is totally cool with this and can't wait to meet me ... i meet aunt brenda who gives me a big hug, and says i have the most beautiful eyes ... she bought me some polo flip flops as a welcome present ... we all sit and chat out back and laugh ... i enjoy christy's family so much

after we've been back in canada for a few weeks, christy is talking to her mom on the phone and starts to laugh ... she explains to me that aunt brenda told her mom that she enjoyed meeting me and really liked me ... she even said "you know, if my daughter were gay, i wouldn't be ashamed if she had someone like cheryl in her life"

progress in the south

i won the lottery!

2005-08-01T10:49:00.000-04:00

every week christy and i purchase one lottery ticket ... every week, we're sure that this will be the week that we win ... so sure in fact that we have figured out how we'll spend it even before the winning numbers are posted ... christy figures out who we're going to give money to and how much and what kind of house we'll buy, what kind of car each of us want ... we philosophize on whether or not being millionaires will "change" us ... of course we've never won more than a free ticket ... of course we know the odds but we've determined that someone has to win it so why not?

this morning, i got up early as usual and christy slept ... i headed for the kitchen to get a cup of coffee ... then as i walked by the bedroom i peeked in on her ... sound asleep, naked, a corner of the bedsheet draped over her legs, slight smile on her face and breathing so softly ... i know for sure ... i've won the lottery and i'm already rich and it did change me

pieces of me - inspired by annie b

2005-07-31T14:17:00.000-04:00

in my world people call me cheryl

i prefer my hair in a ponytail, christy likes it down

i buy the cheapest hair products the grocery store carries

i work for a university medical residency program which translates to running a daycare for 92 spoiled, graduated med students who think the world revolves around them

i smoke cheap cigarettes bought on an indian reserve that will probably kill me faster but i don't care, they're cheap

i love beer but only drink on the weekend after i get paid

i don't have caller id which i agree is the greatest invention since the ... er phone ... so without caller id, i just don't answer the phone

i fix alot of stuff around the house, not because christy can't, but just because i like to hear her say "ohhhhh you're so smart"

i check for boogers in my eyes each morning

my main liquid is milk ... i cannot get enough of it

i was lucky enough not to need meds anymore a few years ago

items in my house could be anywhere ... i get frustrated trying to find an item ... christy finds it instantly under or behind something

each room in our home has a theme "early well-worn poorhouse" and we love it

i taught myself guitar to prove to my dad i didn't need him to teach me when he said he didn't have time to teach me

i loved hosting parties when i was younger ... now i don't

i do okay at poker but would rather kick ass in euchre

we have no kids which is okay with me, but christy wants one bad ...

i go crazy when my computer fucks up

i am still a clean freak but on an intermittent basis

i can't imagine having a headache everyday

i have persistent dreams of being hit by a bus and dying in the middle of the street with people staring at me ... i seem more disturbed by the fact that people are staring at me than with the fact that i'm dying

i used to worship babs because my mother did

i have a friend who cheated on her boyfriend with a woman, but because it was with a woman she doesn't consider it cheating ... i have never felt the same about her since and wish i had the balls to tell him

i have had sex with people without loving them ... but it wasn't beautiful and moving like sex should be

math and english were my best subjects ... but don't ask me where china is, i wouldn't be able to find it on a map ... i failed grade one because my teacher stated that i "failed to conform to the discipline of the classroom" ... i consider myself a rebel and bohemian to this day because of it

i was kicked out of art class because i refused to paint cow skulls using only blue and orange paint ... i didn't believe art should have limitations imposed like that and i still don't

christy is the only woman i've ever been with so i suspect i'm attracted to funny, intelligent, beautiful, petite women with sparkling green eyes and cute dimples

people seem surprised when i tell them i'm gay

we have one tv

i've never wanted to be pregnant and still don't which makes me worry i'm selfish

my feelings aren't easily hurt but when they are i never forgive or forget

profiling

2005-07-31T09:09:00.000-04:00

i hate it ... and no, i'm not talking about racial profiling or anything like that ... i'm talking about profiles on the internet ... you know like when you start a blog and you have to do the "about me" thing ... my favourite this my favourite that ... i sat there for hours concerned about how to answer and list things ... i can't list my favourite music ... music itself is my favourite music ... i can't list my favourite books, i've read thousands of books and there are just too many to list on a frickin' profile ( i tried though) ...

then there is the whole peer pressure profile thing ... i read other people's profiles and i think "dammit, i should have listed THAT singer, i love her too!" ... then after looking at some other profiles i realized that i said nothing, NOTHING in my profile about being gay ... how could i miss that?

then there's the whole comparison blog thing ... some people have really cool looking layouts and i get embarrassed because i have the "dots" template ... a template dammit! ... and I know how to html and stuff, but i open the template thing and i'm afraid to mess up the formatting in case i lose everything ...

then i worry if it's okay to just post a comment on any ol' blog you come across ... or will they be all "who invited you" ... i worry too much

if the answer to how do you spell relief is R O L A I D S ... what's the answer to how do you spell rolaids?

2005-07-30T07:37:00.000-04:00

it's saturday morning and it's a long weekend here ... there is something almost magical about a long weekend ... say it out loud: lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg weekend ... see? do you feel all tingly? I do

so i'm up early as usual ... christy is sleeping ... and the dog is curled up on the floor by my feet watching my every move to see if i head for the door to grab his leash ... i'm trying not to look at him

we had some people that were going to come to visit but now they aren't and christy and i couldn't be happier ... and we call them our friends, isn't that terrible? we're actually happy they aren't coming

they are a nice couple who would do anything for us ... the only problem is, they are those type of people that keep a running list in their heads ... we've done this and that for you and you've done this for us ... ugh ... we enjoy their company but seeing them rarely works better for us ... they on the other hand, call us almost every weekend ... i probably sound ungrateful ... i know lots of people wish they had more friends

christy isn't working yet, so we are living on my little income and we have been since we've been together ... she finally finished becoming a permanent resident of canada ... but for her to teach, she had to apply to be certified here ... we hope to hear something soon and then she can start mass mailing her resume everywhere in ontario ... we've lived pretty frugally in the meantime ... small basement apartment, one car that makes funny noises when we turn a corner ... we don't go out much because it costs money ... this couple lives an hour and a half a way ... our car won't make it that far and so if they want us up at their place, they come pick us up ... we feel terrible and indebted every time ... and i've told christy that last weekend was the last time ... on sunday, they sat and started joking about how much beer we drank over the weekend ... they even had the exact number ... seriously, the exact number ... we had brought a case ourselves to contribute ... but they knew the exact number they had when we got there, how much we brough, how much we drank and how much was left ... right then i wished i could have peed it all back for them ... i felt insulted and wierd and i won't go back until we have our means to do so ... and we can stay in a nearby hotel or something ... why do people insist on your company (they do insist, we try to say no) and then keep a running tally in their heads? i don't get it

anyway ... we're hanging out at our place this weekend ... this long weekend (tingle tingle) ... christy wants me to teach her the guitar more ... she learned two more chords last night and is starting to sound pretty good although her fingers hurt like hell ... we sat out back in our lawn chairs and just in case someone's counting ... we drank 7 beers

mmmmmmmmmmmmammogram

2005-07-27T06:46:00.000-04:00

so i went to the doc yesterday, she felt the lump and said not to lose sleep over it, it doesn't feel like cancer ... i hopped off the table and started dressing, happy to hear that ... but later i thought i should have asked ... what does cancer feel like? anyway, she's scheduling me for a mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmammogram and an ultrasound to check it out

i didn't lose sleep last night

rove rove rove your leaky boat

2005-07-24T21:31:00.000-04:00

i don't know who leaked what first, i only know i heard the woman's name and about her job in the CIA from the evening news guy ....

the fourth nation

2005-07-21T06:59:00.000-04:00

in the world to legalize same sex marriage ... i love my country ... even more than i always have ... our prime minister said that all canadians should be granted the same rights to marriage ... he gets that it's not about religion and that nobody is asking for the right to decorate the local catholic church in red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple and do a mini pride parade (pride stroll?) through the pews up to the priest ... they just want to say "i do" like everyone else

thank you mr. martin

oh oh

2005-07-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

i found a lump under my right breast ... damn, and my right breast is my favorite too because it's a little perkier than my left one! i always thought if i found something bad i wouldn't be scared ... but now i am and i'm mad at myself for being scared

there is no history of breast cancer in my family ... i called the doctor today and they gave me an appointment for next tuesday ... the lump doesn't hurt and it's not on my breast, it's under it, almost feels like it's on my rib

the worst thing of all of this, because you can't help but worry i guess, is that if anything is actually wrong with me, i'm worried about how christy will handle it ... i'm not sure if she will be able to ... but i'm getting way ahead of myself ... it's probably just a lump of fat that didn't have anywhere else to go!

i'm at work, i should be working not blogging, but i can't concentrate

lemme 'splain

2005-07-07T07:49:00.000-04:00

the post below ... in orange, that was christy ... but maybe i should explain

we both lost a best friend ... it's been hard and wierd and something i don't like talking about ... that's how i deal with the really hard stuff, i try not to think or talk about it and i guess i think it will just go away ... her husband came over the other night ... that made it come back ... a couple of nights later her son came over ... we've been to their house twice since she died six weeks ago ... can't stand it ... she died there and we drive up and look at the spot where she died and it's just too much ... i told tony that, i told him i'm sorry and he said it was okay he understood, but he has to live there ... i didn't know what to say

christy and i went to visit christy's family in arkansas on may 21st ... that is where christy is from and she hadn't been home for a visit for three years ... canadian immigration process took much longer than we thought and they recommend you don't leave the country because if the border folks didn't let her back in, she'd have to start all over again and we didn't want to take the chance ... so three long years went by and she didn't see her mom or dad or sisters or brother or neices and nephews ... but we finally got to go and we were so excited and of course of all our friends, tracey was the most excited ... she had watched us struggle over the three years ... had been an awesome support to us and knew how huge it was for us to finally go home to christy's family for a visit ... tracey and tony drove us to the airport ... they would be there to pick us up two weeks later ... that was the plan

we arrived safe and sound in arkansas ... tracey called us the next day to make sure we got there okay ... she wanted to hear everything about christy seeing her family for the first time in three years ... giggling away at the story i told her

after being in arkansas a week ... we got a phone message from another friend ... call jamie (tracey's son) ... the worst news ever the message said ... i thought it was about our dog ... tracey's mom was dogsitting for us ... oh no i thought, buckums got hit by a car ...

i called jamie and here is what he said mom and dad were working outside, mom was leaning on the stairs to the front deck, the landing, leaning on the railing talking to dad ... the railing broke and she fell ... she got up and we helped her into the house ... then she said she couldn't breathe ... then she said she couldn't see ... then she wet herself and she stopped talking ... she died cheryl, she died

i think i stopped breathing ... i didn't believe him ... i turned to look at christy who was behind me with her mom and dad with a look on her face like what happened what happened ... tracey died i said ... she started screaming

talked to jamie a bit more ... talked to tony ... he could barely talk ... felt it was his fault because he hadn't built the stairs and railing real well ... i started to breathe again but it felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach ... christy was still screaming and her dad was holding her

we came back to canada ... some other friends picked us up at the airport ... that wasn't the plan ... tracey was supposed to be there ... they drove us straight to the funeral ... tracey was there ... in a blue urn with flowers on it ... i think it was flowers ... i didn't look too close

she fell five feet ... i don't understand that yet

I miss Tracey

2005-07-03T18:19:00.000-04:00

I miss Tracey very much!!!!!!! I cannot believe she is gone!!!!!!!!! I don't know what else to say!!!!

just some stuff

2005-07-03T14:34:00.000-04:00

soooooooooooo we were laying outside in the sun today and stuff was going through my mind ... like ... i cried when venus was jumping up down and laughing when she won wimbledon ... and that i'm sad that luther vandross died even though i only ever bought one cd of his but it was still sad ... you know? and live 8 was cool ... i got chills watching paul mccartney and u2 ... i've seen them both in concert and i was thinking it was funny to get chill bumps watching someone on tv that i've seen before in person ... like they were friends of mine out for the day doing something important ... and i was just sitting there watching

our dog was outside barking at cars going by so we had to come in ... he's cute but he's bad ... he grew up running around free in arkansas and he can't get used to being tied up in canada and being walked ... he doesn't get it ... and i pick up his poop whether people are looking or not

i was thinking today how much i love christy and how sad i feel that she is down ... she went to the doctor to get on some medicine that is supposed to make her feel happier but it makes her feel like throwing up so i'm not sure which is better ... but she wants to stay on it because maybe the throwing up feeling will go away and the happy feeling will come

i was going to post more about our friend that died but it's still to sad for me to write about ... it was only 5 weeks ago ... hmmm maybe it was 6 weeks ago ... her husband came to our home one night at 10:30 p.m. and said "i just miss talking to her" ... that seems like the saddest thing in the world to me ... i can't imagine not having christy to talk to ... even when we just talk about nothing really important ... it's still important

i wonder where that girl in aruba is ... i'm pretty sure she is dead but i hate thinking that ...

it's sunday and tomorrow is july 4th .. i hope americans enjoy their fireworks ... christy had no fireworks to watch tomorrow ... we have them here in canada on july 1 and we didn't go watch them ... fireworks aren't like snowflakes

i guess hope everyone has a nice day ... cliches are cliche but they are cliches for a reason

Grandma Hobbs Bites

2005-07-01T19:14:00.000-04:00

my grandma was the smartest woman in the world to me ... she's dead now but i can still her her voice telling me stuff that will stay with me forever

"laying in the sun is bad for you"
i was out by the pool laying on my stomach for hours ... i came in the house to get something cold to drink and my grandma slapped me hard on my sunburnt back .... "owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" i yelped ... "see?" she said "i told you laying in the sun was bad for you"

"worrying is like putting up an umbrella when it's not raining"

"sure i cheat at cards, but i win and that's fun"

ah haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

2005-07-01T08:48:00.000-04:00

i can do pictures! .... that's christy on the left and me on the right ... we were at a friend's wedding last summer

christy is still sleeping! i wish i could sleep in like that ...

when i do another bloggy thingy ... i'm going to talk about immigration AND our recent trip to arkansas ... that is where christy is from ... we had so much fun ... well something real sad happened while we were away ... i might bloggy about that another day

to begin with

2005-07-01T08:12:00.000-04:00

i'm 41, my partner is 32 ... we met on the internet and actually fell in love over the phone ... met in person and haven't been apart since ... she moved from the u.s. to canada and left her home, family and career behind to be up here with me ... i never knew i could love someone so much

today is canada day and even though christy has been here in canada three years, it took that long for her to become a landed immigrant ... so this canada day is special to us

she's still in bed sleeping ... i wake up so damn early

this is my first ever bloggy thingy and i don't know where to put pictures yet ... i don't know what my theme will be yet either ... will it be lovey dovey and corny? political and mouthy? entertainment and geeky? maybe it will be a little of everything

so we're gay, i might have not mentioned that yet ... but we're so quietly gay ... i mean we hold hands in public and stuff and we have never tried to hide that we're gay ... but we've never marched in a pride parade or anything like that ... we have some gay friends that don't understand us and send us political this and that and gay outings and blah blah blah rainbow rainbow rainbow ... we're just in love, two people in love, that's it ... it might be boring and we care about a lot of things ... and i believe so strongly that two people can just fall in love ... doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman or a man and a man or a woman and a woman ... human beings fall in love with each other ... it just happens ... but i guess we need a word for it .... a definition ... a category ... okay ... the other side is, if we didn't, there would be nothing to fight for and we wouldn't be able to go get married ... or christy wouldn't be covered by my health benefits and wouldn't have been able to get that root canal done ... so i'm happy that some people are louder gays than us

i'm going to bloggy later about immigration but for now i have some coffee to drink

cheryl